HAPPY NEW YEAR!

     On the morning following the election of George Bush
as our 43rd president, and during the campaign,
I learned that I am viewed by the media as a "Bad American".
Therefore I confess my new status:

1. I don't care about appearing compassionate.

2. I don't think playing with toy guns makes you become a killer.

3. I own hand guns, rifles, and shotguns and it's not any of your business.

4. I believe liberal "Democrat" politicians are liars.

5. I think I am better than homeless bums.

6. I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized.

7. I've never owned or been a slave; I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you.  So, stop trying to pass out undeserved guilt trips.

8. I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, you do it in English.  America's language is English. Learn it or leave.

9. I don't like MTV nor do I want comedians of little note telling me about football.

10. I know what the definition of lying is.  So does Bill Clinton.

11. I know that newspaper reporting is inaccurate, biased, and often times, fiction.

12. I define television news as "bizarre events" presented to mindless viewers by unprepared clowns.

13. I think "hate crime" legislation is drivel. No minority, homosexual, disabled, foreign, or any other differentiated group has any more social value than I do.  If anyone kills anyone, that's a hate crime and our legal system will deal with it.

14. I believe that turkey bacon will kill you too.

15. I don't think it takes a village to raise a child.  It takes parents who will tell that child "NO !" and mean it.

16. I paid for it and I don't care to recycle it.  You may do so if you please.

17. I didn't realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had kids.

18. I think the Taco Bell dog was funny -- the name of the product is Mexican food.

19. I like fireworks. Some explosions are cool.

20. I accept that you may listen to stupid and loud music if you want to; but, that doesn't mean I have to listen to your crap when I'm stopped at a red light.

21. I don't think being a student provides you with any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster or McDonalds.

22. I won't eat or drink anything with "light" or "lite" or "fat-free" on the package.

23. I believe every student has a right to pray in school.

24. I don't hate the rich.

25. I don't pity the poor.

26. I know TV wrestling is faked.

27. I think global warming is bullshit.

28. I still think Barney Fife is funny.

29. I believe that a self-righteous liberal with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude.

30. I think our cops have every right to shoot your sorry butt if you're running away from a burglary at 2:30 in the morning.

31. I think Archie was right; Rob Reiner is a meat-head.

32. I assure you of this.  I WILL get even before I let God finish up with you.

33. I like big cars, and big houses, and golf at a private club.

34. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family; not some mid-level clerk with a bad education who wants to give it away to some welfare dependent crack addict.

35. I do not evade taxes but I seriously endeavor to keep the government at their lowest legal level of confiscation.

36. I assure you that Rush is right about most things and the rest is not all that important.

37. I want you to keep honking while I'm re-loading.

38. I believe that Hillary is a bitch and her husband deserves her.

(Credit to some very clever anonymous internet source.)